Can Mike be en-Ticed to leave?

Oct 18, 2005 4:40 AM

The Vikes can’t buy a touchdown. The only purchase they’ve been able to make is offensive though, and involves cruise ships and strippers.

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor Mike Tice has coaxed his team into practicing creative end-zone dances to inspire the offense. I’ve also not been able to confirm that the only end-zone moves the Vikes have been able to come up with involve a lap dance!

Funny stuff happening throughout the Vikes’ division. Packers were idle and moved within one game of the Lions and Bears. Lions lost and stayed in first place at 2-3. Bears won and pulled their losing record to 2-3 and a share of the NFC North lead. Vikes lost to move to 1-4 and they’re only one game back.

Sound crazy? You might have to say this could only happen in the NFC North. But similar mediocrity is going on in the AFC East, where no team can claim a winning record.

Tough year to be looking for "dawgs" through the first six weeks. The puppies took another one on the chin Sunday, finishing 4-9. I feel fortunate to have an overall record over .500 with the favorites coming out on top nearly every week. The dogs are barking somewhere aren’t they? Lassie, lassie, is that you?

On to Week 7.

Saints +6 at Rams: Saints only play inspired ball in San Antonio, their new found home. But they can’t play defense no matter what stadium they’re in. I wish Mike Martz a speedy recovery with the Rams, which might play better without his pass happy game plan. RAMS.

Packers PK at Vikings: The only bet I could make on the Vikings is that more than a couple players are in trouble with their girlfriends or wives! This team is in deep do-do. Vikes cruisers were instructed to have their legal representation in line when they arrived back from Chicago. Minny isn’t the only one scared this week. How would you like to have money bet on this team? That’s a horrifying thought. PACKERS.

Colts -14 at Texans: Indy coming off short week. Bad news for Texans fans is that’s all they need. Houston’s first win of the season will have to wait another week at least. Texans’ woes continued as a starting offensive tackle and linebacker left Sunday night’s game at Seattle. Offensive line is in shambles! COLTS.

Steelers +2½ at Bengals: How fast can we get Ben back? That’s what Steelers fans are shouting after Tommy Maddox single-handedly managed four turnovers versus Jacksonville. Big Ben will return, but I don’t think he’ll be able to match the Bengals firepower. BENGALS.

Chargers +5½ at Eagles: Philly not soaring at home this season. Squeezed by Oakland by 3, very shaky on the road against KC, then crushed by Dallas. Bolts have been striking on last two road games, zapping Pats and Raiders. I thought this number would be 3½ or 4 at the most. CHARGERS.

Chiefs -2 at Dolphins: Ricky is back. "I think I played well" was his post game comment after carrying the ball eight times for five yards. Based on that statement I’d say there’s a 50-50 chance Mr. Williams may be still messing with the wacky tabacky! Willie Roaf is back on the offensive line, which is good news for Johnson and Holmes. CHIEFS.

Lions +1½ at Browns: Neither team seems to be able to get out of its own way. Both offenses are inept and the Lions haven’t won on the road this season. Why start now? I’m giving the edge to the home team. BROWNS.

49ers +11 at Redskins: You have to tip your hat to Brunell and the Skins. Started 3-0 and then lost twice to very tough competition on the road. In both losses, they were in the game until the final seconds. Came up one point short at Denver and one TD shy at KC. Bu,t Skins not built to blow anyone away. NINERS.

Cowboys +3 at Seahawks:Betting on a Mike Holmgren team is nerve-racking at best. But bottom line is that they’re undefeated at home. Home teams have been hot this season, so I’m giving the edge to the homies. SEAHAWKS.

Bills + 3 at Raiders: Raiders simply aren’t a well coached team. Bills have two straight wins from their former backup and now starting QB Kelly Holcomb. Now that defenses have to respect a quality pass play, McGahee is beginning to run wild. He went over 140 yards against the Jets. Moss only played one down after hurting his groin in the first quarter against San Diego. BILLS.

Ravens PK at Bears: Bears defense is very good in case you haven’t noticed. Bengals only team scoring over 20 points and three opponents couldn’t reach 10! BEARS.

Titans +3 at Cards: Warner or McCown? That’s the decision facing Dennis Green. My vote is for McCown. Either way, Cards should be able to put their second win away if they learned anything at all from the Panthers game. Titans a little banged up. CARDS.

Broncos +1½ at Giants: Cowboys controlled entire game last week against G-men, managing to win by three in OT. It should have been much easier. Broncos on a five-game roll and last road win over Jags very impressive. BRONCOS.

Jets +7 at Falcons:: Vinny just doesn’t give me a warm fussy feeling. Jets are an automatic target until a younger QB miraculously appears on the sideline. Curtis Martin ripped off another unbelievable performance in a losing effort at Buffalo. But, Martin can’t keep fighting back Father Time. FALCONS.

Last week: 7-6

Season: 46-39