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Lies, videotape: All we need is some sex!

Sep 18, 2007 3:05 AM
7-6-2 14-14-3 50.0

No sex, but plenty of lies and video tape. That’s what the NFL treated its fans to last week.

Chad Johnson announced prior to the season that he was going to bring his sexy back this year. Well, I think Chad did provide a few sexy, exciting plays in the Bengals 51-45 loss to the Browns. But the Cincy defense left the Viagra in the locker room. There was nothing sexy about giving up 51 to the Brownies and a QB you may never have known prior to last Sunday. Maybe Anderson stole the Viagra because TD passes (5) seemed to go on forever.

Pick any lie you want. There were plenty of them lingering around after all the games were done.

”¡ Eli Manning would tough it out and lead the G-men to their first win.

”¡ Garrard would right the offensive side of the Jax ship and the D would pound Joey Harrington.

”¡ Detroit QB Jon Kitna’s ridiculous, bold, "we’ll win 10," prediction would be proven ludicrous by the end of Week 2.

”¡ The Bears would crush KCit and good Rex would be turnover-less.

But the one story dominating the NFL news the past week was Bill Belicheet’s video tape incident. In case you didn’t hear Bill’s response last week, just so you know he’s movin’ on! And it’s not to be Steve Wynn’s new eye-in-the-sky video surveillance guru.

Looks like he’s movin’ on to make every team and head coach in the league who said anything disrespectful of the incident, live to regret it. If you don’t believe me just ask Norv Turner!

I’m going to start video taping these games every week, steal the signs and start picking more winners!

Sunday, Sept. 23

Colts -5 at Texans: Difficult to find anyone who doesn’t think the Colts defense has vastly improved from last year. That’s a scary thought for anyone facing Indy because that means Peyton Manning will be able to air it out even more. Texans are 2-0 and a pleasant surprise under the expert guidance of Matt Schaub. That bubble has to pop sooner or later. COLTS.

Chargers -4 at Packers: Home dogs were 4-1 last week. Packers stole the first one at home against Philly, then went on the road and hammered the G-men. The Packers are possibly too young to realize they’re really not as good as their 2-0 record. But Favre looks as focused as he has in years. GB might be ready to upset a Chargers’ club that looks a little lost right now. Maybe they’re looking for a real coach? PACKERS.

Vikings +2½ at Chiefs: The home opener can’t come quick enough for the Chiefs. KC is winless and both teams come off losses. Neither QB looked sharp, but Jackson fired four passes to the wrong colored jerseys versus Detroit. Huard is not much better, but should take advantage of the home crowd. CHIEFS.

Lions +6 at Eagles: Two down and 8 more to go! That’s Jon Kitna’s battle cry and his bold prediction won’t die if he keeps lighting up the scoreboard. LIONS.

Bills +12 at Patriots: Tough to find a bargain betting on the Pats now that Belicheet is hot under the collar and out to destroy all who wander onto his path. There should be a little inflation here with the entire NFL nation watching Sunday’s slaughter of San Diego. BILLS.

Dolphins + 3 at Jets: Miami opponents beware. Ted Ginn Jr. rushed one time for minus 3 yards and didn’t catch a pass! I’m having too much fun picking on TG Jr. to stop. NFL bettors are making too much money betting against potentially over-the-hill Trent Green. Why stop? JETS.

49ers +8 at Steelers: Niners may not be a great team right now, but they’re 2-0 and winning close games. Nolan’s crew is competitive and should compete against a very impressive Steelers’ club. NINERS

Cards +8½ at Ravens: Arizona played with tremendous intensity while upsetting Seattle. If the Cards can muster the same effort here they should win the money. Jets QB Clemens made some rookie mistakes last week that allowed the Ravens to pull out the win. If James can carry the load like last week, Matt Leinart will be able to put enough points up to possibly score the upset. CARDS.

Rams +3 at Bucs: Looks like the Bucs managed to forget about the disaster opener in Seattle. Rams can’t seem to put behind the preseason hype and loss of Orlando Pace. BUCS.

Jags +4 at Broncos: Both clubs are big time losers. The Jags are 1-1 and the Broncos are 2-0. But Denver is 0-2 ATS, so neither team has won one-cent for any of their backers. Whenever it looks like a dog fight, take the dog! JAGS.

Bengals +3 at Seahawks: Marvin Lewis was on crutches last week in Cleveland after Derek Anderson bruised the Bengals with 5 TD passes. Lewis may show up in a wheel chair in Seattle after witnessing that train wreck. SEAHAWKS.

Browns +3 at Raiders: Raiders still don’t know who their QB will be. McCown? Culpepper? Certainly, Russell can’t be ready to play! Brownies on the other hand, suddenly have a QB who can light it up if the offensive line keeps the heat off. BROWNS.

Panthers -4 at Falcons: You have to feel a little bit sad for Atlanta. The No. 1 QB and franchise savior is waiting for a jail sentence. The No. 2 was shipped to Houston and is 2-0 doing his impression of Joe Montana. The Falcons are stuck with Joey Harrington. PANTHERS.

Giants +3 at Skins: There’s something comical about watching Tom Coughlin do post game interviews after losses. I’m not sure if it’s the steam oozing out of his ears or the red face and ears that look like they’re ready to pop off his neck. I agree with Mike Ditka, the team can’t tackle. And I think I agree with Tiki Barber. There’s something a little comical about the on field leadership and the little kid, goofy voice of Eli Manning. SKINS.

Cowboys +3 at Bears: I’m on a 4 game streak with 2 Dallas wins and 2 Chicago losses. I’m not messing with success. Romo over Rex! COWBOYS.

Monday, Sept. 24

Titans + 6 at Saints: Al Davis may have coined the phrase "just win baby." But the Titans own the rights to "just cover baby!" Vince Young is a winner and so is Jeff Fisher. Even when the Titans lose like they did last week to the Colts, they still compete well enough to win the money! Saints have question marks with special teams, wide receivers and cornerbacks. TITANS.