Ex-Madam says: If it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander

November 13, 2007 2:41 AM
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Pahrump hit the big time last week when the New York Times ran a lengthy feature on its Dirty Laundry.

Well, not exactly on the Dirty Laundry, with its casino-themed décor and fluff and fold at 65 cents a pound, but on its overseer, Heidi Fleiss, better known as the former operator of an enterprise whose focus was between the sheets, not laundering them.

Heidi, the Hollywood Madam of a few years ago, spent three years contemplating life from behind bars, for a different sort of laundering — money laundering — and for forgetting to pay taxes and promoting prostitution. While locked up, paying her debt for violating the niceties of society, she had a great idea.

She would open the biggest little whorehouse in Nye County, but with a novel twist.

The employees would be men.

The customers would be women.

This, of course, is not unknown. Gigolos have been around for centuries, but mostly on a call-for-hire basis. Heidi may not be the first to come up with a male-serviced bordello, and we are sure there must be some, perhaps many, already operating, but if so they have operated beyond my ken. I lead a sheltered life.

Heidi, who with her brother Jessie formed One Hour Entertainment and published a book called Pandering, is facing some licensing and competition problems in Pahrump, but she is not waiting around to resolve them before lining up her talent.

Google Heidi and you will find ads for her male brothel, which she has named, perfectly, Stud Farm.

It contains mid-section photos of guys with washboard abs and bulging muscles. No faces, but an inviting prospect for women to "pick and choose the man of your dreams."

And there, in blood-red type on a black background, is the line "Employment Opportunities!!!" with three exclamation points.

We often wondered where places like the Chicken Ranch, Shady Lady, and Cottontail found their talent, but we don’t wonder about where Heidi’s Stud Farm will get staffed if she gets it going.

There are hundreds of candidates right now spending their time working out in Las Vegas to keep those washboard abs, many doing little else, while their ladies work in casinos, and probably a host of them already have made the quick trip to Pahrump and applied at Heidi’s laundry, hoping to be first in line when Heidi gets her ducks lined up and her sheets ironed. If there aren’t enough, there will be scores of others from the east coast and elsewhere, with the fast-spreading news of Heidi’s talent search.

We imagine some pro footballers past their prime will be attracted, as they have been to professional wrestling, and the assignments are certain to be less taxing physically. Steroids and sexual prowess are not usual bedfellows, however, and constant and consistent performances are certain to be prime requirements for Heidi’s studs.

A question arises: who operates the casting couch?

A lot of guys have sleek, muscled bodies. But how many have the needed equipment and the stamina of the long distance runner?

Viagra and Cialis and Levitor and their imitators have changed the American sexual landscape, and we presume the Heidi hunks will be well supplied with all they need.

If the lady gets the job done, and given her focus and persistence she is not likely to be deterred, the venture will be successful. Probably hugely successful.

"I really do know the sex business better than anyone," Heidi told Jennifer Steinhauer, who wrote the New York Times story, and few would argue. "My business philosophy is to have a superior product," she said, and there presumably are a lot of big names in Hollywood who, although not likely to give endorsements, would not disagree.

Whether Heidi gets the chance to open her Stud Farm in Pahrump remains questionable. Nye county’s board that controls such matters has some rules pertaining to felons and moral turpitude, but Heidi has other options.

A word to the husbands and lovers of Las Vegas: play it cool, and don’t get your lady angry. Above all, don’t let her get restless. And keep an eye on Heidi and her whereabouts. If she hits and your wife gets upset or unhappy with you or your performance, and tells you she is going to visit a friend, it may be to see the man of her dreams.

And that is not likely to be you.