1. “It’s Not My Station” ”” Hey, Ms. Food and Beverage Director, didn’t you realize that all of your cocktail servers dress alike? Didn’t you realize that all of your food servers dress alike? I realize I’m just a poor dumb customer slob, but you know what? Their name is SERVER, not NON-SERVER. So why can’t they serve me? Union issues? Baloney. Short staff? Hire more people. Don’t know how to manage it? Take a course on it. The truth is, Ms. Culinary Office Jockey, that you don’t care enough about my experience to figure out how all of your “servers” could actually “serve” me. I know it’s possible. Have you checked out how Bubba Gump’s Restaurants do it? You should.
2. The Security “Cop” ”” now I’ll be honest, I do feel secure in your casino, Mr. Chief of Security. But hey, it’s supposed to be “casino entertainment.” I think that means we’re supposed to be having FUN. So why the uniforms straight out of LAPD? Why the suspicious scowls when I come in your main entrance? Why the grudging responses when I ask where the restÂÃ‚Âroom is? I’ll tell you why, Mr. Battalion Chief. You’ve trained great cops but lousy customer servants.
3. The 3 p.m. Check-In ”” Ms. Hotel Vice President, I know it’s really inconvenient for you when I check in at 10am, but do you know how goddamn inconvenient it is FOR ME to come back in five hours to check in? And then get kicked out of my room because of your wonderfully restrictive 11a.m. check-out time? Can’t you do better than this?
4. The Coupon Criminal Cue ”” hey, Mr. Grand Poo Bah of Marketing, if you are going to put out a coupon to your customers, you might try telling your frontline operations staff about it. It’s bad enough having your employees not know what the hell the coupon is for, but even worse is when I get treated like a criminal just for having it. May I suggest you redeem one of your own coupons one day, so that you can see the hoops you make ME jump through?
5. Turtle-Like Hopper Fills ”” Ms. Slot Director, let me explain something to you. When my slot machine runs out of money, it’s when it is in the process of either paying me or cashing me out. Now those are two of my very best slot experiences ”” Getting Paid and Getting Cashed Out! That is, until I’m stuck to my chair waiting for your overworked, underpaid staff to get to me. Here’s my free slot marketing plan for you, Ms. Cost Conscious ”” get some new equipment, change your customer unfriendly regulations and hire a few more people ”” maybe then you can have your Profit Bandits out of commission for less than 15 minutes at a time.
6. Employee Only Windows ”” hey Mr. Cage Manager, I see them. You all do it. EMPLOYEE ONLY WINDOWS. Sure I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to make sure that your employees can serve your customers quickly. But last I knew, I was your customer. Sorry, just a pet peeve I guess.
(Dennis Conrad is the president of Raving Consulting Co. in Reno.)