THAT’S ITALIAN! Fran DePersis, my Italian friend from New England, sent me the following. It’s entertaining and I’d like to share it with you. By the way, many of the items hit home. How about with you?
You know that you grew up in an Italian family when:
”¡ You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire year after a funeral. Maybe longer.
”¡ You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced sangwich.
”¡ Your family dog understood Italian.
”¡ Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family.
”¡ You’ve experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into a 50 square foot yard for a family cookout.
”¡ You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven.
”¡ You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week and every Sunday.
”¡ You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and the price of everything was negotiable through haggling.
”¡ You watched Ed Sullivan and Lawrence Welk every Sunday night.
”¡ You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.
”¡ You thought everyone’s name ended in a vowel.
”¡ You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.
”¡ You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.
”¡ You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday.
”¡ You ate salad after the main course.
”¡ You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world.
”¡ You were beaten at least once with a wooden spoon.
”¡ You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand.
”¡ You learned to play bocce and soccer before you went to school.
”¡ You can understand Italian but you can’t speak it.
”¡ You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.
”¡ You grew up calling the bathroom the baccausa. And, you only had one.
”¡ You were surprised to learn most kitchen utensils had another name that didn’t end in a vowel.
”¡ All of your uncles fought in a World War.
”¡ You have at least six male relatives named Tony, Frankie, Louie, Sal, Vito or Joe.
”¡ You have relatives who aren’t really your relatives.
”¡ You have relatives you don’t speak to.
”¡ You drank wine before you were a teenager.
”¡ You relate on some level, admit it, to the Godfather and the Sopranos.
”¡ You grew up in a house with a yard that didn’t have one patch of dirt that didn’t have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.
”¡ Your grandmother’s furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic. Wait! You were sitting on plastic.
”¡ You thought talking loud was normal.
”¡ You thought cookie cakes and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.
”¡ You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.
”¡ Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family no matter what their age.
”¡ Every lunchmeat you ate ended in a vowel.
”¡ There was a crucifix in every room of the house, including the cellar.
”¡ There was a saint in a bathtub in the yard.
”¡ Boys did not do housework because it was women’s work.
”¡ You couldn’t date a boy without the approval of your father.
”¡ You know what lemon ice is.
”¡ You called pasta, macaroni and sauce, gravy.
”¡ You have at least one irrational fear or phobia that can be attributed to your mother.